There is no can't in can. But there's a can in can't.
That's a loophole.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Monday, December 22, 2014
To an industry of enslaved EGO in organized service to its maker:
There is more love in every existing molecule than there is hate in all existence. That balance is insurance. Like a promise. God (however defined) has already won. If I must choose a side, that is the side I choose.
Truth is that undeniable persistence.
Flatter each other with the garbage you produce to con the world of ticket buyers into your lies (most recently, "Big Eyes") after raping lives and minds for your subject matter. You've already paid your price but I know you understand that's the deal you made.
I am not an artist, if that is what you claim yourselves to be. I am a soul. I forgive you. I know the truth. I choose love.
Balance is due.
There is more love in every existing molecule than there is hate in all existence. That balance is insurance. Like a promise. God (however defined) has already won. If I must choose a side, that is the side I choose.
Truth is that undeniable persistence.
Flatter each other with the garbage you produce to con the world of ticket buyers into your lies (most recently, "Big Eyes") after raping lives and minds for your subject matter. You've already paid your price but I know you understand that's the deal you made.
I am not an artist, if that is what you claim yourselves to be. I am a soul. I forgive you. I know the truth. I choose love.
Balance is due.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Jail 101: Archetypes Roasting on an Open Fire
July 15, 2012
I am slowly reading the meatiest of meaty reads. Each page of this book seems to spawn a new deja-vu-familiar synapse in my brain…and I LOVE it! It's like traveling! I asked for something other than romance and murder/mystery and this is what was delivered from a girl with lots of books. The book is called 'Creation Myths' by Marie-Louise Von Franz and I recommend it to anyone looking for enlightened confusion with a side of sudden displaced awareness. I would compare it to watching a season of 'Lost'. You connect everything then later realize there is an entirely different way everything is connected and though either way makes perfect sense when you lay it out…it's all temporary because eventually, nothing makes sense all over again. Make sense? Math was always this way for me and I know I'm not alone with that.
Jung's studies of the psyche are being communicated in this book. I've heard of Jung before. quoted him even, but I've never actually read much about him until now. I'm learning about the connection between Archetypes and physical phenomenon (synchronicity). When this book was published, all of this was considered a 'missing link', a scientific mystery! (it's a very old book)
Maybe I'm totally wrong, but nowadays, ideas like String Theory seem to tie it all together…like finding the missing link. Patterns of Archetypes are what we fall into with consideration of our own spectrums of reality…our individual consciousnesses. So maybe the reason why we experience psychic, synchronistic phenomenon is because we are attracted to or picking up on certain already-established patterns of consciousness or rhythms of energy…and this is why everything seems to connect, especially where learned, shared archetypes are concerned. I get it!
I wish I were in a room full of scholars who could tell me all about this right now. I wish I could dress up like a Scientist and pretend I am one today. I wish I had some good chocolate or a creme brulee. God, that sounds so good. I can taste it all!
I am proud to say that I confidently and officially don't know much but it's certainly fun to be a free explorer in this puny palace a la cruel cement. They may be able to shackle my body but not my imagination. On that note, I think I'm going to write a Christmas story now. Thank you God(o:
I am slowly reading the meatiest of meaty reads. Each page of this book seems to spawn a new deja-vu-familiar synapse in my brain…and I LOVE it! It's like traveling! I asked for something other than romance and murder/mystery and this is what was delivered from a girl with lots of books. The book is called 'Creation Myths' by Marie-Louise Von Franz and I recommend it to anyone looking for enlightened confusion with a side of sudden displaced awareness. I would compare it to watching a season of 'Lost'. You connect everything then later realize there is an entirely different way everything is connected and though either way makes perfect sense when you lay it out…it's all temporary because eventually, nothing makes sense all over again. Make sense? Math was always this way for me and I know I'm not alone with that.
Jung's studies of the psyche are being communicated in this book. I've heard of Jung before. quoted him even, but I've never actually read much about him until now. I'm learning about the connection between Archetypes and physical phenomenon (synchronicity). When this book was published, all of this was considered a 'missing link', a scientific mystery! (it's a very old book)
Maybe I'm totally wrong, but nowadays, ideas like String Theory seem to tie it all together…like finding the missing link. Patterns of Archetypes are what we fall into with consideration of our own spectrums of reality…our individual consciousnesses. So maybe the reason why we experience psychic, synchronistic phenomenon is because we are attracted to or picking up on certain already-established patterns of consciousness or rhythms of energy…and this is why everything seems to connect, especially where learned, shared archetypes are concerned. I get it!
I wish I were in a room full of scholars who could tell me all about this right now. I wish I could dress up like a Scientist and pretend I am one today. I wish I had some good chocolate or a creme brulee. God, that sounds so good. I can taste it all!
I am proud to say that I confidently and officially don't know much but it's certainly fun to be a free explorer in this puny palace a la cruel cement. They may be able to shackle my body but not my imagination. On that note, I think I'm going to write a Christmas story now. Thank you God(o:
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Which Bitch is Which?
July 26, 2012
I have been here for 48 days and I can attest that the idea that time passes more quickly as you get older is purely situational. In jail, time does not pass quickly, no matter how old you are.
I'm thinking too much so I'm probably going to write too much. It's something to do.
While I am speaking upon truths in this wee hour of an apparent Wednesday, I will also remark that after careful self-scrutiny, I do believe that I am one of those people that others label as 'too nice'. I gather this other truth from my life experience as a former doormat to opportunists, as well as from the multiple suggestions that I read the book, "Why Men Love Bitches". This book has been put in my hands 3 times (twice since I arrived here) and suggested more times than that.
I am still reluctant to read it.
I think the word 'bitch', like time passing quickly as you get older, is destined to remain situational. I think that sometimes the word means 'self-respecting, confident woman' (I bet this is what it means in the book I should read) and sometimes it just means 'nasty bitch'. Of course, sometimes it actually does mean 'female dog', but usually just around kennel club people.
Here is an example of how being too nice carries the potential of turning a woman into a smokescreen of 'nasty bitch'. As she makes friends with men who love her for her true niceness, they often want much more and when she is not interested in reciprocating, (as she clearly states from the beginning), there develops a small-town, chronological string of 'what he said's'. Each blah blah blah created to salvage an individual damaged ego can run into train wreck intersections of BLAH and create a false image of 'BITCH', but not the good kind. It's not very fair at all and very good reason to become the other kind of bitch (not the female dog, the other one).
The collective, defensive locker room talk makes it seem as if there is something wrong with HER because she didn't respond accordingly to these selfless, amorous, charitable suitors, instead of accepting the truth…she was just not available and/or interested in that way. Get enough men with their egos burned by the same woman within a certain town's radius and eventually they form a great wall of 'what they said' and like a smokescreen, she ends up looking like the undesirable kind of bitch, which is not really fair. It's a testosterone racket.
The 'warm and personal' connection that some 'too nice' women can easily make can give some men the wrong idea-then, because these types of women are particularly sensitive, they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so they let it carry on way too long, far beyond their comfort zone and when they cut the relationship just to emergency breathe, the confused men are left wondering, "Why? What's wrong with me? It must be her! She was so nice! I could tell she wanted me and now she's a total bitch!".
And why did she let it happen? She's too damned nice! Where's that book...
Of course, I don't mean to offend the countless wonderful men of the world. I love men and certainly want the right one all for myself when the timing is right. I think my booking photo would do nicely for EHarmony or Match.com. I knew I smiled in the middle of that horror for a good reason. I wonder who they might match me up with. Maybe Charles Manson. Sorry Charlie, I'm not into facial hair and there's something in your eyes that sort of makes me want to look away. Take my advice-Maybe consider a different head shot. (just call me a bitch(o:)
I have been here for 48 days and I can attest that the idea that time passes more quickly as you get older is purely situational. In jail, time does not pass quickly, no matter how old you are.
I'm thinking too much so I'm probably going to write too much. It's something to do.
While I am speaking upon truths in this wee hour of an apparent Wednesday, I will also remark that after careful self-scrutiny, I do believe that I am one of those people that others label as 'too nice'. I gather this other truth from my life experience as a former doormat to opportunists, as well as from the multiple suggestions that I read the book, "Why Men Love Bitches". This book has been put in my hands 3 times (twice since I arrived here) and suggested more times than that.
I am still reluctant to read it.
I think the word 'bitch', like time passing quickly as you get older, is destined to remain situational. I think that sometimes the word means 'self-respecting, confident woman' (I bet this is what it means in the book I should read) and sometimes it just means 'nasty bitch'. Of course, sometimes it actually does mean 'female dog', but usually just around kennel club people.
Here is an example of how being too nice carries the potential of turning a woman into a smokescreen of 'nasty bitch'. As she makes friends with men who love her for her true niceness, they often want much more and when she is not interested in reciprocating, (as she clearly states from the beginning), there develops a small-town, chronological string of 'what he said's'. Each blah blah blah created to salvage an individual damaged ego can run into train wreck intersections of BLAH and create a false image of 'BITCH', but not the good kind. It's not very fair at all and very good reason to become the other kind of bitch (not the female dog, the other one).
The collective, defensive locker room talk makes it seem as if there is something wrong with HER because she didn't respond accordingly to these selfless, amorous, charitable suitors, instead of accepting the truth…she was just not available and/or interested in that way. Get enough men with their egos burned by the same woman within a certain town's radius and eventually they form a great wall of 'what they said' and like a smokescreen, she ends up looking like the undesirable kind of bitch, which is not really fair. It's a testosterone racket.
The 'warm and personal' connection that some 'too nice' women can easily make can give some men the wrong idea-then, because these types of women are particularly sensitive, they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so they let it carry on way too long, far beyond their comfort zone and when they cut the relationship just to emergency breathe, the confused men are left wondering, "Why? What's wrong with me? It must be her! She was so nice! I could tell she wanted me and now she's a total bitch!".
And why did she let it happen? She's too damned nice! Where's that book...
Of course, I don't mean to offend the countless wonderful men of the world. I love men and certainly want the right one all for myself when the timing is right. I think my booking photo would do nicely for EHarmony or Match.com. I knew I smiled in the middle of that horror for a good reason. I wonder who they might match me up with. Maybe Charles Manson. Sorry Charlie, I'm not into facial hair and there's something in your eyes that sort of makes me want to look away. Take my advice-Maybe consider a different head shot. (just call me a bitch(o:)
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Jail 101: Nothing Hurts When You Laugh
Sometime in July (undated)
TRIPADVISOR REVIEW: Monterey County Jaihouse Manor
A 2012 Destination On The Rise!
831GirlInStripes: "I want my money back."
It is very late. Monday night. I was moved to a new Lockdown room because believe it or not, this place became overbooked and now, the fluorescent lighting in my room is stuck on incessant flicker a la 'Psycho'. I respectfully asked 2 Deputies to please change the bulb or relocate me to another room, but the first grunted and deferred to the second and the second told me very rudely that there was nothing to be done about it, in a sarcastic and patronizing way.
The Guest Service here is excruciating. I want my money back.
I informed her that I have a court date tomorrow and even when I close my eyes, the intense fluorescent flickering penetrates my eyelids, threatening a severe headache. She was continually rude and abrasive. I smiled and said, "I'm trying very hard to hold back, but I can't help but ask, 'How many Sheriff's Deputies does it take to change a lightbulb?'"…Just making a light, funny joke and she nipped very angrily, "Well you just DID ask, didn't you?"…as if somehow, the joke was WAY out of line, when in REALITY, it was a GREAT line for the moment and the timing was perfect. This Deputy had no 'in the moment' sense of humor...something I consider a survival necessity.
Oh well, I will pretend the flickering is fluorescent firelight-or maybe just firelight (mind over matter) on my eyelids and I will cocoon myself on my 'is this really a bed?' in this bleak camp setting, like a good prisoner of war. Gotta' stay positive(o:
Did I mention only getting 2 short and interrupted hours of sleep the night before? Did I mention the frigid shower water for DAYS on end? I keep hearing, "This is jail, what do you expect?-as I have heard on the heels of so many subhuman interactions since I arrived here…to which I responded, "If this jail showed common respect to those who find themselves here, justly or otherwise, then maybe a greater percentage of inmates would exit with a stronger sense of value and self-esteem, lowering the probability of his or her return.". There are SO many people here who repeat the same cycle…it seems as if everyone knows each other. They talk about their many stays here…like it's a Holiday Inn!
All I know is that this is NO Holiday Inn, folks. Next time, I'm using a Travel Agent.
TRIPADVISOR REVIEW: Monterey County Jaihouse Manor
A 2012 Destination On The Rise!
831GirlInStripes: "I want my money back."
It is very late. Monday night. I was moved to a new Lockdown room because believe it or not, this place became overbooked and now, the fluorescent lighting in my room is stuck on incessant flicker a la 'Psycho'. I respectfully asked 2 Deputies to please change the bulb or relocate me to another room, but the first grunted and deferred to the second and the second told me very rudely that there was nothing to be done about it, in a sarcastic and patronizing way.
The Guest Service here is excruciating. I want my money back.
I informed her that I have a court date tomorrow and even when I close my eyes, the intense fluorescent flickering penetrates my eyelids, threatening a severe headache. She was continually rude and abrasive. I smiled and said, "I'm trying very hard to hold back, but I can't help but ask, 'How many Sheriff's Deputies does it take to change a lightbulb?'"…Just making a light, funny joke and she nipped very angrily, "Well you just DID ask, didn't you?"…as if somehow, the joke was WAY out of line, when in REALITY, it was a GREAT line for the moment and the timing was perfect. This Deputy had no 'in the moment' sense of humor...something I consider a survival necessity.
Oh well, I will pretend the flickering is fluorescent firelight-or maybe just firelight (mind over matter) on my eyelids and I will cocoon myself on my 'is this really a bed?' in this bleak camp setting, like a good prisoner of war. Gotta' stay positive(o:
Did I mention only getting 2 short and interrupted hours of sleep the night before? Did I mention the frigid shower water for DAYS on end? I keep hearing, "This is jail, what do you expect?-as I have heard on the heels of so many subhuman interactions since I arrived here…to which I responded, "If this jail showed common respect to those who find themselves here, justly or otherwise, then maybe a greater percentage of inmates would exit with a stronger sense of value and self-esteem, lowering the probability of his or her return.". There are SO many people here who repeat the same cycle…it seems as if everyone knows each other. They talk about their many stays here…like it's a Holiday Inn!
All I know is that this is NO Holiday Inn, folks. Next time, I'm using a Travel Agent.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Jail 101: Can I Get A Cup of Coffee With This Cinnamon Roll?
I have nothing against Buddhists…I actually love Buddhists and they usually love me, too. Just because I sort of made fun of Buddhists here is not meant to offend anyone. Just thought I'd mention this(o:
July 16, 2012
I would get into how good the morning cinnamon rolls are here, but who can truly enjoy a cinnamon roll without hot coffee or tea? Water or milk is okay, but they shame a good cinnamon roll in the morning…so I save mine for an afternoon snack and call it a muffin. Muffins don't really care what they're paired with, as long as they are center stage and thoroughly loved. Funny, I know people like this.
……………………….
I wonder if I would be more productive just 'sitting' (like a Buddhist) instead of rambling away with this mini pencil. Are Buddhists very productive or are they just completely self-centered? Aren't they taking a trip to Nirvana and ignoring everything else just to get there because they have unwavering faith that it's better than Dubai? I'm suspicious. I know people like this and they aren't even Buddhist…they just want what they want and want it bad. Aren't we all the same(o: Either way, I am finding more fun making fun of (I mean 'with') Buddhists, with this golf pencil on the back of whatever legal form this is…I can testify that injustice does indeed come in MANY forms…and they are all official with stamps on them and everything. I'm just glad there is a blank side to them so I can express what I REALLY feel. I write on these pages and ignore the intimidation they arrived with…it's good therapy!
I've been thinking about the humiliation of going to Court…and the sheer cost. The shackling, the transportation, the babysitting and 'prisoner storage' (the 'tank'), the multiple escorts from start to finish. There should be radical rethinking in concern to this barbaric process. This is the New Millennium, for God's sake. Court Skype, anyone?
It is common knowledge these days that in America, a person in custody is treated as completely guilty until proven innocent…it's just the truth. I have been treated like dirt by total strangers in uniforms, as if I'm a mongrel, an ignorant menace to society. I don't deserve it. These people have no clue who I am or what my story is. Even more frightening, some of these individuals so clearly enjoy being in the position to dominate and are given free reign to be out right abusive, like Nazis. The experience is so Third World and humiliating, humiliating, humiliating. It's hard to imagine that this is happening in our great country...a country I love.
Back to the subject, I think a great remedy for the prisoners and the state would be to adopt a new process all together. There should be a 'mobile Court' that services the jailhouse for most of the routine court dates. The Judge and the pomp & circumstance should be brought to the jail offices, whether in person or via Skype or something similar. I can't imagine that I am the first person with this idea.
The hearings that only take a matter of 5 minutes could be reduced to very little time and money spent. I imagine that some of the Judges might even enjoy the foreword change of pace. The trials could still be held at the Courthouse, but the hearings that consume all of 5 minutes of a nearly 5 HOUR total process could be shuffled through right where the inmates are being housed. It makes sense to me. Maybe if the County were to cut back such enormous expenditures by using modern day technology, the many cutbacks to basic needs of inmates wouldn't be so necessary. It's just common sense.
……………………………
I was just laying here (I can start every entry this way because 'laying here' is what we do 23 hours a day) thinking that it doesn't make much of a difference whether I write about my dreams involving green Lhasa Apsos and Elton John in a Willy Wonka world or simply what is actually happening here…it is all equally absurd. This is a time in my life when it is reasonable to question what is the dream and what is true. I know I don't deserve this treatment but I am accepting it, not fighting it…like an observer in a dream I sense and trust isn't real. God, let me wake up soon and say, "Whew! It was all just a dream!".
July 16, 2012
I would get into how good the morning cinnamon rolls are here, but who can truly enjoy a cinnamon roll without hot coffee or tea? Water or milk is okay, but they shame a good cinnamon roll in the morning…so I save mine for an afternoon snack and call it a muffin. Muffins don't really care what they're paired with, as long as they are center stage and thoroughly loved. Funny, I know people like this.
……………………….
I wonder if I would be more productive just 'sitting' (like a Buddhist) instead of rambling away with this mini pencil. Are Buddhists very productive or are they just completely self-centered? Aren't they taking a trip to Nirvana and ignoring everything else just to get there because they have unwavering faith that it's better than Dubai? I'm suspicious. I know people like this and they aren't even Buddhist…they just want what they want and want it bad. Aren't we all the same(o: Either way, I am finding more fun making fun of (I mean 'with') Buddhists, with this golf pencil on the back of whatever legal form this is…I can testify that injustice does indeed come in MANY forms…and they are all official with stamps on them and everything. I'm just glad there is a blank side to them so I can express what I REALLY feel. I write on these pages and ignore the intimidation they arrived with…it's good therapy!
I've been thinking about the humiliation of going to Court…and the sheer cost. The shackling, the transportation, the babysitting and 'prisoner storage' (the 'tank'), the multiple escorts from start to finish. There should be radical rethinking in concern to this barbaric process. This is the New Millennium, for God's sake. Court Skype, anyone?
It is common knowledge these days that in America, a person in custody is treated as completely guilty until proven innocent…it's just the truth. I have been treated like dirt by total strangers in uniforms, as if I'm a mongrel, an ignorant menace to society. I don't deserve it. These people have no clue who I am or what my story is. Even more frightening, some of these individuals so clearly enjoy being in the position to dominate and are given free reign to be out right abusive, like Nazis. The experience is so Third World and humiliating, humiliating, humiliating. It's hard to imagine that this is happening in our great country...a country I love.
Back to the subject, I think a great remedy for the prisoners and the state would be to adopt a new process all together. There should be a 'mobile Court' that services the jailhouse for most of the routine court dates. The Judge and the pomp & circumstance should be brought to the jail offices, whether in person or via Skype or something similar. I can't imagine that I am the first person with this idea.
The hearings that only take a matter of 5 minutes could be reduced to very little time and money spent. I imagine that some of the Judges might even enjoy the foreword change of pace. The trials could still be held at the Courthouse, but the hearings that consume all of 5 minutes of a nearly 5 HOUR total process could be shuffled through right where the inmates are being housed. It makes sense to me. Maybe if the County were to cut back such enormous expenditures by using modern day technology, the many cutbacks to basic needs of inmates wouldn't be so necessary. It's just common sense.
……………………………
I was just laying here (I can start every entry this way because 'laying here' is what we do 23 hours a day) thinking that it doesn't make much of a difference whether I write about my dreams involving green Lhasa Apsos and Elton John in a Willy Wonka world or simply what is actually happening here…it is all equally absurd. This is a time in my life when it is reasonable to question what is the dream and what is true. I know I don't deserve this treatment but I am accepting it, not fighting it…like an observer in a dream I sense and trust isn't real. God, let me wake up soon and say, "Whew! It was all just a dream!".
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