Jail 101: Power Flushing & Tiny Pencils

July 7, 2012

Today is Saturday and I just flushed my Irish Spring.  I was washing my hands after I flushed and my soap slipped and and I saw it fall, like swirling slow motion..forever gone.  I helplessly watched it disappear down a raging whirlpool in my toilet that happens to be connected to my sink.  The plumbing here is what I would call 'no fail' plumbing.  Flushing is to create a watery wormhole for ANYTHING to successfully travel to a different time and place. I think I could jump into my toilet mid-flush and like a ride on a corkscrew bobsled, I might be carried across a finish line somewhere far away from this cement shoebox.  Hmmm…maybe tomorrow.
I think it's designed with such force so nothing-NOTHING can clog the pipes.  I've even heard that one of the inmates here successfully flushed an entire jumpsuit (top AND bottom) down her toilet.  I heard this story long past deciding to no longer question 'why' around here.  It's probably a good assumption that it wasn't the flusher's jumpsuit, though. 
The energy of one toilet flush in this jail could probably power a small neighborhood for an entire evening, if harnessed.  Go water power!

...Nothing quite like a finely sharpened, teeny, tiny pencil.  I feel like I could write on the wall of a mouse's house with this little guy! How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck chucked this pencil?  Not very much at all.  They should just cut the wood out all together and provide lead caps (I guess graphite caps) for the fingers, like they do with the 'no shank' (I finally know what 'shank' means!) toothbrush.  There wouldn't be much difference.  I feel like I am brushing my teeth with a finger-sized hair comb and after the experience, I can easily understand why most of the inmates around here have missing teeth!
God, what I would do for a pen (and a piece of cheesecake).  An actual ink-flowing pen (and piece of cheesecake)!  Better yet, some paints and brushes (and cheesecake).  It's been so long since I've painted (or had any cheesecake)-I can't wait to get to my paint. I can feel it on my fingers right now-I can feel the canvas-I can hear the music-I can feel the slip sliding of the blues and greens...