JAIL 101

I have never been in 'trouble' with the law ever in my life, until recently and WHAT a surprise it was to experience.  I'd never even been cited for anything other than parking violations and a speeding ticket once...other than that, I have always considered myself a wonderful mom and a very respectable citizen. 

As part of what has felt like a virtual 'Holocaust' (and I do not use this term irresponsibly) to my life, I was unjustly arrested and spent 5 months in jail…in ACTUAL JAIL while the courts tried to figure out what to do about my case amidst a whirlpool of incredible misinformation…finally releasing me with a misdemeanor.
 
I considered hiding this experience from the world, a consideration dictated only by shame, but given the fact that I never deserved the attack I received, I feel no shame, whatsoever.  What didn't kill me made me stronger…and stronger…and stronger.

I'm a survivor with something to share, though I don't plan to share more evidence of injustice.  The blah blah blah blah blah of what happened to me and who is to blame is a broken record in our society and not always good for one's health (of course, this is a joke, ahem)!  Injustice is never going to disappear. 

I feel like sharing what made me stronger.  I'm going to share entries from my journal that I kept throughout my jail experience.  I'm going to share what I kept alive and well inside of my soul.  I'm gong to share that which a corrupt hell worked diligently, though ineffectively, to destroy.  There is certainly much humor and creative perspective to be found in such a place as jail…you don't even have to look for it.  No matter where you are…it finds you, if you let it.

What happened to me was wrong and while I ducked my head through the experience in an effort to protect my soul from nothing less than a dehumanizing hell of unregulated humiliation, I somehow kept my spirit alive and well in the trenches with love for all that surrounded me…however scary or cruel sometimes.  In that particular land of foreign circumstance, I chose to be a tourist…a self-respecting traveler staying at a very unrecommended 'NO STAR' resort…a patient and joyful critic on a very personal tour of a world within herself, amidst a world within walls of geometric, echoing cement.

They say it's not about what happens to you…it's about what you choose to take from it.  I have lost nothing.  I have gained deeper love and constant peace.  I am very fortunate.


I will try to post an entry every day, though they might not be chronological. 

Here is my first:

June 18, 2012

I am reading a novel someone left at my door called 'The Constant Princess'…I guess it's a Historical Romance novel. The story is familiar but what I find connecting most (in an abstract way) is the beautiful description of the 'Alhambra', a maze-like Moorish castle with doorways that lead into garden spaces with doorways that lead into more garden spaces-MANY---eventually reaching the spectacular center.  I want to be there, exactly there. 

Jail is by no means a Moorish castle paradise but I notice a parallel of design.  Not in a literal way, considering cells as spaces within the maze...rather mindful spaces arranged for different orders of designated society within these geometric walls and doorways.  The center to be found here is the place where jailhouse royalty is to be found-but there are many courts within this castle, not just one.

There are so many centers to be discovered and as I find, as much as unions of inmates gather to create their own centers, there are individuals like me who find that center within her own private walls…for me, a center as beautiful as the Alhambra I read about in the romance of kings and queens.  I walk to the shower and I am in Spain-surrounded by gardens-birds-fountains-sweet smells-warm air and beautiful skies.  Here, in this cement, I feel the freshness of internal royalty…equal to all centers.