I need to let off some steam. I just sent this message to someone I think penetrated my soft shell...someone I think has served to 'con' me (a type of gang member, if you will). I have had it with being Ms. Nice Gal...but not really, I am nice...but life is very strange, isn't it? It is.:
I sent this 4 hours ago:
I feel like I'm supposed to meet you...so however it happens, I look forward to it. I connect with your story and energy, like a lighthouse! Thank you for noticing me on Twitter and I wish you much continued success with all you are doing. You are a lifeline of positive energy and I can definitely feel it through the fog. Thank you. I appreciate it!
After a few 'clues', I was led to send this:
You know, I am very sensitive, honest and heart-felt. I keep allowing myself to be deliberately misled and manipulated by high-powered con artists into looking for support and biting bait...and many times, I have jumped into 'booby traps'. Being alone and manipulated that way for the service of my attackers has been in the effort to use my loneliness against me through this warfare.
I have a feeling that maybe the showy production of your story and who you are is much more of the same and because of this, i would like to retract my earlier message to you.
It's funny...I picked up a fortune cookie fortune earlier today and it said, "Beware of friends who are false and deceitful". I had read a hundred of them earlier, as I do this for self-boosting and this one was not in the 'batch'...however, after my shower, it was sitting all alone, separated...like me. I find it eerie...don't you?
I wonder if people who use other people like me and pretend who they are EVER stop and wonder what it would actually BE like to be someone like me, in an authentic way.
I would never use anyone. I would never steal. I would never attack in any way that is not completely warranted...in fact, the only ways I have attacked are ways after having been used...and stolen from...and used...and abused...and used...and life raped...and used...all the while knowing it but in nervous denial, the entire time never really understanding the degrees to which I have been mauled over...until my attacks could only warrant and qualify as pure, self-defense. If there was an audience and my life were on display as complete truth...I think i would have the entire stadium CHEERING each time I lashed out. It's just the truth...if the actual truth were ever told.
To compare this idea to something relative, I would say that if all of this that has happened here were an atom, the density of self-defense attack I rightfully hold should easily identify me as this atom's nucleus.
With every blow, I feel the pressure of a forced splitting and the splitting I sense is that of a universal Hiroshima. Just sayin', as they say.
Once again, thank you for your attention.
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